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BEST CONSPIRICY THEORY EVER

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Thunder

Posted: Oct 21 2006, 10:58 AM

sonic fans are p. gay
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http://vgrc.ddstuff.com/forums/index.php?a...mments&entry=23

QUOTE

A couple weeks ago, I was informed of the new Tickle Me Elmo doll. This new "TMX" would be superior to the original Tickle Me Elmo doll in every way. Well, just hearing the name "Tickle Me Elmo" brought back fond memories of 1996.

Back in the holiday season of 1996, two important things happened to pop culture: The Tickle Me Elmo, and the launch of the Nintendo 64. The Nintendo 64 was going to be the "next big thing" in the video game world. Everybody was looking forward to it. On the other hand, there was the new Tickle Me Elmo, which took the toy world by storm. In what suprised analysts everywhere, the Tickle Me Elmo was popular, and I mean popular. Parents would fight each other in the toy aisles of department stores just to get them. People were selling them in classifieds for as much as $1500. (this is before eBay became popular, mind you) The Nintendo 64 also enjoyed a brief moment of similar demand, with console shortages worldwide and largely inflated resale prices. However, within 5 short years, it would fade away, being looked upon as the biggest blunder since the Virtual Boy, with the only games keeping it alive being the occasional release by Nintendo themselves, or Rare. Similarly, the Tickle Me Elmo became largely forgotten by the next holiday season. However, nobody know that these two overhyped launches that "coincidentally" happened on the same holiday season had something in common. Something that would change the world as we knew it, while the whole world was blissfully unaware that something devious was in the works.

Flash forward to 2001. The N64 is just about dead and buried, and Nintendo is coming out with the new GameCube, which was supposed to fix all the problems caused by the failure of the N64. At the same time, Tyco was coming out with the "Suprise Edition" of the Tickle Me Elmo. However, it was an elaborate secret contest: On January 9th, 2002, five of these Tickle Me Elmo's would stop laughing and say that their owners had won $200,000. Both launches went largely unnoticed, however: The GameCube would solidify Nintendo's 3rd place spot in the home console war, behind the Xbox and PS2. The new Tickle Me Elmo's were pretty much forgotten as well.

Before I go any farther, I feel I should point something out: What you are about to read contains the future of the gaming industry. You can ignore it as the ramblings of an insane man on the internet, or take it seriously and find out the truth. Much like Neo's choice in The Matrix, you have the choice of the red pill or the blue pill.

What would you say if Nintendo actually orchestrated the failure of the Nintendo 64 and the GameCube? You'd say it was pretty silly, wouldn't you? Of course you would. After all, why would a company not want their consoles to sell more than their competitors? And what does this have to do with the Tickle Me Elmo dolls?

Lets move to the present, 2006, and look at our surroundings: The new Tickle Me Elmo "TMX" doll came out in late September, with the Nintendo Wii poised to come out late November. Slowely the surely, the "TMX" is creeping into more and more family homes. And it scares the hell out of me. Just check this video on YouTube to see the doll in action. Not only is it robotic, but it can move on its own... even being able to stand itself up after falling over. If images of "Chucky" are coming to mind, you have a right to be afraid: This doll can move completely on its own, even when turned off, and even when the batteries are pulled out. While connected to any sort of power source, it builds up power in a "electro-static power core" inside its nose, which can power it for roughly 3 and a half years: More than enough time to allow it to do the evil deeds it needs to commit. Worse yet, it actually has a semi-functional AI built into its mechanics, so even if you dissasembled it, you wouldn't be able to find it. Its left eye contains a microscopic infrared camera, which allows it to see where it is going and detect if humans are active. However, the most startling discovery we found was the microscopic low-frequency transmitter in its left eye: It can wirelessly interface with any standard WiFi router, letting it communicate to HQ at Tyco... even if the connection is password protected and encrypted. And this part is unconfirmed, but our inside sources (who would like to remain anonymous) tell us that it can be commanded remotely. Scary indeed.

Remember how I mentioned before that Nintendo purposefully caused the failure of their previous two consoles? If you still don't believe me on that point, I simply need to make one argument per console:
- Nintendo 64: Nintendo decides to go with the cartridge format, at a time when its two major competitors were using CDs. Development tools were garbage, and prices for games were expensive, often running up to $70 for a new title. Nobody does that **** purposefully.
- GameCube: Of course, Nintendo played the "damage control" spin with the launch of the GameCube. In order to turn away conspiracy theorists such as myself, they acknowledged the problems with the N64, and promised to fix them with the new GameCube. Things had started off oh-so-well, but by the end of 2003, it was clear something was wrong: 3rd parties were jumping ship, and this was after then-president Hiroshi Yamauchi famously stated how gamers "did not want" online gaming. By 2006, only a trickle of games were coming out.

What would Nintendo want to ruin their once prestigous position in the home console market? In fact, let me tell you that was not the original intentions.

Back in 1994, executives from Nintendo and Tyco met to discuss ideas for joint projects between the two companies. Originally, the Tickle Me Elmo was going to interface with the Nintendo 64, similar to the Nintendo R.O.B. However, when it became apparent that the technology at the time truely wasn't ready for what they wanted to do with it, Tyco execs didn't want to leave empty handed. So what did they do? They proposed a long-term plan that would take 7 years to finish: Project Dolphin.

Project Dolphin, as most of you know, was the code name for the GameCube. However, in 1994, it was going to be much more, allowing Tickle Me Elmo dolls owners to connect to a system and play games online with a webcam. The AI was going to be so advanced that you could plug the Tickle Me Elmo into the console's controller ports, and he could play with you, and even as a "bot" player in online games. However, he also reacted in real-life, where tickling him would cause him to get distracted and start laughing, though you would also be distracted from the game as well. Tyco thought this revolutionary, but Nintendo, knowing a gimmick when they see one, turned down the idea... after Tyco already had access to loads of top-secret Nintendo documents detailing future console products.

Tyco, feeling burnt, and a few million dollars in debt after all the time wasted with Nintendo, sent Sony an offer: They would use the Nintendo Documents to backstab Nintendo, as long as the financial benefit from Sony was big enough. Exact figures are unknown, but it is rumored Tyco recieved 3.5 billion US dollars in the trade-off.

What Tyco didn't know, was Nintendo had this planned out from the start. They would purposefully engineer their next two consoles, the "Ultra 64" as it was known at the time, and Project Dolphin, to be commercial flops, though make just barely enough money alongside the handheld division to keep Nintendo profitable.

What Tyco didn't expect, was how easy Nintendo would "crumble," not knowing that Nintendo was making purposeful mistakes. All of a sudden, the Ultra 64 was going to use cartridges, and the GameCube didn't go ahead with online features. Tyco, realizing they didn't have to do any work to get Nintendo to mess up, passed this "success story" onto Sony, who kept filling Tyco's corperate wallet with money to keep getting them to "make Nintendo fail," blissfully unaware that Tyco wasn't doing anything, with executives going on lavish spending sprees, saving very little, if any, money.

Dissent inside Nintendo was growing. The executives were not giving any information to the lower employees about what was happening to the once mighty company. Understandable, because these decisions were harming Nintendo's bottom line, and nobody knew why exactly Nintendo was doing this. Gunpei Yokoi, who was forced to engineer the Virtual Boy, was disgusted at the recent practices and resigned from Nintendo in August 1996. Later, in 1997, he was killed in a tragic car accident, which some people say was staged and orchestrated by Nintendo themselves to silence dissent within the company. In any case, Nintendo's plans were working, because as the years went on, Nintendo lost its foothold in the console market to rival Sony, and later Microsoft.

The Tickle Me Elmo's had been used all this time as a clever ruse by Tyco, however. They needed to put out a product to make things not seem suspicious. So, if they had to make one, what would they do with it? This is where the TMX comes in. Building a brand image for the Tickle Me Elmo over the past 10 years, Tyco is now ready to execute the final step: The genocide of Nintendo Wii buyers. After all, Nintendo cannot own a marketshare if all its customers are dead. Details get fuzzy at this point, though. The rumor mill says that the Wii is going to have some sort of way to combat these TMX dolls, and use them against Sony, who is convinced they've got the console war won, and is leaving many opportunities to strike them wide open. However, we are talking about a company that is willing to kill its own employees, and who knows if the Wii's will have the power to take command of the TMX dolls to start a mass slaughter of Sony owners and apologetics. And somebody else tells me that Microsoft has something in store while Nintendo and Sony are busy killing each other's customer bases, and knowing Bill Gates, it can't be any better.

Get it? Tyco has been building a customer base, while Nintendo has been fooling everybody into thinking they are almost defeated.

Whoever wins, we lose.

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lol myspace lol facebook xbawx live gamertag

Sin Flametale

Posted: Oct 21 2006, 11:06 AM

HA HA HA

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QUOTE (that block of text)

Wii's will have the power to take command of the TMX dolls to start a mass slaughter of Sony owners and apologetics.

Someones watched too many chucky films :l
This guy needs locking up. Now. whats next?
"SONY HAVE MADE RADIO CONTROLLED LEMON JUCIERS THAT WILL JUICE WII OWNERZ"

This post has been edited by Flametale on Oct 21 2006, 11:07 AM

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Note: I had to remove TY+V and MFGGK2 Banners, please note i do still support them both :E

TurboMan	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 11:16 AM
Goddamn 07'ers Group: Members Posts: 17000 Member No.: 1027 Joined: 8-May 05 Status: (0d)	That's hilarious --------------------

Tragic	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 11:45 AM
How rude! Group: Members Posts: 7687 Member No.: 1408 Joined: 4-September 05 Status: (0d)	Oh my gosh. I can't stop laughing. I have to send this to my friends... asdfasdf -------------------- yo dogz, what up? i used 2 b a mod PKMN Diamond FC: 1117 6709 1784 Aric character reference

Raccoon Sam	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 11:49 AM
You need to get off your high horse. Group: Members Posts: 9707 Member No.: 1422 Joined: 6-September 05 Status: (0d)	~~But come on people it might be true.~~ Haha, what a numbnut. -------------------- read it yo

Neopolis	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 12:04 PM
Abandon ship! Group: Members Posts: 8632 Member No.: 2034 Joined: 24-April 06 Status: (0d)	I was unaware the Gamecube and N64 were "commercial flops". True, they may be less good then the PS2 or Xbox, but seriously? "Who wants to die?" springs to mind too. -------------------- Neopolis is preparing for the incoming apocalypse (And a drawing reference.)

123James

Posted: Oct 21 2006, 12:05 PM

Do you believe in ghosts?
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QUOTE

Before I go any farther, I feel I should point something out: What you are about to read contains the future of the gaming industry. You can ignore it as the ramblings of an insane man on the internet, or take it seriously and find out the truth. Much like Neo's choice in The Matrix, you have the choice of the red pill or the blue pill.

This is my favorite part.

--------------------

It's Signature, Folks!!

Reference Pic: here
user posted image

http://123james.deviantart.com
user posted image

Klobber	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 12:05 PM
hands off the yo-yo Group: Members Posts: 26140 Member No.: 61 Joined: 14-October 03 Status: (0d)	I think it's hilarious and it's obviously a joke. Come on, it ends with "Whoever wins we lose". That was a good read.

Mr. Odd	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 12:11 PM
Standard Member Group: Members Posts: 1575 Member No.: 1686 Joined: 3-December 05 Status: (0d)	Whaaddanutjob! -------------------- There. Now its half the file size. Rofflicious.

Lemmy	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 12:19 PM
GOODBYE DINOSAWS Group: Members Posts: 3338 Member No.: 1638 Joined: 13-November 05 Status: (0d)	Holy **ing crap. Amazing. That guy should write novels. This post has been edited by Lemmy on Oct 21 2006, 12:20 PM -------------------- This house is clean.**

Captain Chicken Soup

Posted: Oct 21 2006, 12:25 PM

Hot Member
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QUOTE (Klobber @ Oct 21 2006, 12:05 PM)

I think it's hilarious and it's obviously a joke. Come on, it ends with "Whoever wins we lose". That was a good read.

I agree 100%
It's hilarious

Banjzooie

Posted: Oct 21 2006, 02:23 PM

Standardly unstandard member
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Hahaha, this guy's either off his nut or just a guy wanting to fool a lot of idiots.

--------------------

BZ's quote(s) of the arbitrary time interval:

QUOTE (Sword @ Jun 17 2009, 07:23 AM)

Harry Potter and the Lawsuit of Forgiveness

QUOTE (Nicholas Ainsworth @ Jun 17 2009, 09:55 AM)

Might as well have the family of the author who wrote Peter Pan sue Shigeru Miyamoto for Ocarina of Time.

Parakarry	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 02:32 PM
Mail call! Group: Site Staff Posts: 30359 Member No.: 34 Joined: 13-October 03 Status: (0d)	Looks like Kaepora got out-nutted. And holy crap, this is funny. The whole tickle-me-elmo thing and the orchestration of failure? wtf? -------------------- DIAMOND FRIEND CODE: 2320 2606 8172

123James	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 03:16 PM
Do you believe in ghosts? Group: Members Posts: 9034 Member No.: 431 Joined: 15-May 04 Status: (0d)	For those curious about what the new Tickle Me Elmo can do… Edit: NOW WITHOUT THE **TY LOGOS! This post has been edited by 123James on Oct 21 2006, 03:40 PM -------------------- It's Signature, Folks!!** Reference Pic: here http://123james.deviantart.com

Thunder	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 03:24 PM
sonic fans are p. gay Group: Members Posts: 17939 Member No.: 133 Joined: 12-November 03 Status: (0d)	What the hell, his voice is satanic O_O -------------------- lol myspace lol facebook xbawx live gamertag

MegaTailzChao	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 03:25 PM
So long, and thanks for all the fish. Group: Site Staff Posts: 15788 Member No.: 2267 Joined: 2-July 06 Status: (0d)	asdfasdfs This is the best thing ever. SRSLY. --------------------

LuigiFan	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 03:26 PM
Substandard Member Group: Members Posts: 29944 Member No.: 592 Joined: 6-September 04 Status: (0d)	it all makes sense --------------------

rtsmarty

Posted: Oct 21 2006, 03:59 PM

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QUOTE (123James @ Oct 21 2006, 09:16 PM)

For those curious about what the new Tickle Me Elmo can do…

Edit: NOW WITHOUT THE ****TY LOGOS!

... i want one

123James	Posted: Oct 21 2006, 04:15 PM
Do you believe in ghosts? Group: Members Posts: 9034 Member No.: 431 Joined: 15-May 04 Status: (0d)	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nbsFelp3Jc...related&search= Is Ernie more popular in Mexico or what? -------------------- It's Signature, Folks!! Reference Pic: here http://123james.deviantart.com