This is the funniest thing I've read all week!

oh my sdfsdfg

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible homeboy.

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

Okay, I HAVE to post this one.

<born1986> why the smurf isn't my disc drive working
<born1986> i smurfing worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my smurfin drive ain't working
<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?
<born1986> hell yes
<born1986> it was working fine yesterday
<born1986> why does this Root Beer always happen to me?
<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
<born1986> i havent touched it since school
<born1986> i'm growing impatient
<born1986> ANGRY even
<Z00ass> throw that Root Beer out tha window

. . .

<born1986> OMG i smurfin did it!!!
<born1986> smurf!!!!!
<Z00ass> it works?
<born1986> no, i threw it out the window
<Z00ass> the disk?
<born1986> NO the whole drive
<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
<Z00ass>
<born1986> smurf Root Beer smurf
<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
<born1986> brb

. . .

<born1986> Root Beer
<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?
<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive
<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock
<Z00ass> :o
<born1986> quite HARD
<born1986> and you know what?
<born1986> that smurfing disk wasnt even there
<Z00ass> ???
<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
<Z00ass> lol
<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now

. . .

<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again
<born1986> brb

too_much_prozak: ooowee girl you sho-nuff is hot stuff..c'mon over my house an sit on my face
eye_doan_know: Where you live big man? I'll think about it.
too_much_prozak: I'm in san diego..where U?
eye_doan_know: dont that beat all ...I'm in diego too
too_much_prozak: ...NO!...yer joshin.....for real?
eye_doan_know: real deal big guy.......you wanna hook up tonite?
too_much_prozak: sounds like a plan....your place? my place? or??
too_much_prozak: no..wait cant be my place...my g'friend is here.
eye_doan_know: cant be my place either...my boyfriend is downstairs.
too_much_prozak: ...what a co-ink-ee-dink my girlfriend is upstairs...........uh-oh-
too_much_prozak left the room

I laughed at this one

<CyberMind> ive been programming and using computers since my old days in the womb.
<CyberMind> umbilical ethernet
<SR71Goku> how fast do you get on it?
<SR71Goku> I'd imagine at least 1gigabit/s
<CyberMind> actually quite http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h1/armed...er/slowpoke.gif.
<CyberMind> network was flooded with protein and nutrient packets.
<SR71Goku> LOL...
<SR71Goku> "Daddy once DoSed my connection..."
<CyberMind> ok im ending it right there.

Your filters are bloody annoying.

These are wonderfull.

Egger: Heres the history of our medicine.
"I have a sore throat."
2000 BC : "eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?

haha

(lupin) yeah
(lupin) I'm pissed
(lupin) I went to Wal Mart and they stopped me because I had a backpack
(lupin) and they said "We'll have to hold that for you because of recent events"
(lupin) and I said "Listen, if I were a terrorist, I think I'd pick a better place to bomb or infect than a backwater WalMart. I'd at least go hit the Super Wal Mart in Bryan because I could go get McDonalds on the way to blowing it up."
(lupin) and they let me keep my bag

I wish I had some IRC, I love messing with people.

<NES> hah
<NES> speaking of your mom jokes getting me in trouble
<NES> my friend rocky's mom died of cancer
<NES> I had no knowledge of this cancer, I hadn't known him very long
<NES> and I had for a while this obnoxious habit of doing those your mom jokes
<NES> repeating something someone said and inserting their mom
<NES> so I sit down at lunch one day and I hear him say "she died of cancer"
<NES> and I said "your MOM died of cancer"
<NES> *silence*

<cruunch> i dont believe this
<cruunch> im tryin to phone sex this girl, the one i didnt go to poker night with cause im poor
<cruunch> and i heard her roomate ask her who she was talkin too
<cruunch> and she said
<cruunch> 'tripod'
<cruunch> i ****ing kid you not
<cruunch> ego++
<Sean-> dude
<Sean-> just, no
<Biny> no!
<cruunch> ohhhh yaaaa!
<cruunch> hehe
<CeNo65> did you tell her thats not your name .. its just the website that hosts your pics?

<rzrblade> Yeah so my therepist told me the other day I had "skeptical realism."
<rzrblade> I looked at him like, "what the ****?"
<rzrblade> And he says, "yeah i just made that up."

<Xenecrite> wanna hear a joke?
<Xenecrite> Women's Rights
<Lone_wolf_gurl> you have 5 seconds to start running.

<Raidonkid> My sister is ****ing slow. She came home last night complaining about how her boyfriend lied to her and got her pregnant. He told her he was circumcized twice and she thought it meant he was sterile.

<Chichi> have u ever been up to neck in *****?
<Ree Cakes> Yeah, when you stand by me.

<Green> So I got in my car
<Green> and there was bird**** on my windsheild
<Green> so i got a paper towel and got out to wipe it off
<Green> but it wouldn't come off
<Green> and thats when I realized it was on the INSIDE
<Green> I had a hard time getting to sleep that night

<Raiden> my cats used to lick my ***** if I slept naked...
<Raiden> I had 5 cats...that was uber

<DangerousBeauty> do u seeing me giving two ****s?
<Phuser> i see you giving everyone ****s

<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big ****in devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

<Digby> what if the man empirically measure them ?
<Digby> length, girth, tensile strength, and volume
<_Matty> volume?? "hey, baby, i've got a loud ****" ??
<_Matty> wtf?
<Tig`One> "hey babe wanna hear my **** shout?"
<^Dozy^> that'd be an impressive chat up line
<Guede> Brings new meaning to pump up the volume.

<KrayZie> you know what pisses me off
<KrayZie> all those damn contests that offer as their grand prizes and all expenses paid vacation to hawaii.
<KrayZie> funny part is, contests in hawaii offer that as their prizes as well

lmao