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So I'm writing a book, need feedback

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Pip	Posted: Mar 19 2009, 07:56 PM
you are now reading my posts in chris tucker's voice Group: Members Posts: 5151 Member No.: 2941 Joined: 13-November 06 Status: (0d)	this is the prologue. Let me know what you guys think This post has been edited by Pip Bernadotte on Mar 19 2009, 09:09 PM -------------------- **** are p. cool

Nnnkingston	Posted: Mar 19 2009, 08:00 PM
"Know what I have to say to that? Go suck a ****!" Group: Members Posts: 8380 Member No.: 2150 Joined: 5-June 06 Status: (0d)	Run it through spell check. And also the beginning paragraph seems awkward. Instead of "this man" try "the man" because it looks like you are switching narrative styles. --------------------

MR. N64	Posted: Mar 19 2009, 08:07 PM
MFGG's resident collector Group: Members Posts: 944 Member No.: 5677 Joined: 5-September 08 Status: (0d)	7.5/10. it is very good but not perfect. -------------------- 90% of teens today would commit suicide if they wouldn't be able to get the latest system on the console wars. If you are one of the 10% that still like to blow the dirt out of their old cardridge based systems, copy and paste this to your signature

Yuikiko

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 08:08 PM

Mah Boi, this holiday is what all true emperors Strive For!
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It was interesting, even more I could actually understand what the crap was happening.

--------------------

QUOTE

Its time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of gum. And there's no more ass to kick.

My Ref for those who want to draw me

People I have drawn.

Pip

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 08:43 PM

you are now reading my posts in chris tucker's voice
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Member No.: 2941
Joined: 13-November 06

Status: (0d) [--]

QUOTE (Nnnkingston @ Mar 19 2009, 08:00 PM)

Run it through spell check.

And also the beginning paragraph seems awkward. Instead of "this man" try "the man" because it looks like you are switching narrative styles.

I have; the "Draculea" spelling is the correct spelling of the name. If there's something else, let me know.

also, I'll fix that error

--------------------

**** are p. cool

shroomguy

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 08:46 PM

COWBOY UP

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WHAT IS A MAN?

--------------------

Ref by fujiko Ref by hatman

QUOTE

Dude

he's shroomguy

he's Segata Sanshiro, Bruce Lee and Ryu Hayabusa all fused together

Also Rorschach

GARNIA
Brutha from anutha motha

Pip

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 08:48 PM

you are now reading my posts in chris tucker's voice
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Member No.: 2941
Joined: 13-November 06

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QUOTE (shroomguy @ Mar 19 2009, 08:46 PM)

WHAT IS A MAN?

I had to put that in there

in the third chapter, someone says, "What?! A vampire? There's no way that could be right!"

basically, I'm trolling my senior project people in a way that they won't even realize it

--------------------

**** are p. cool

OniLink10

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 09:17 PM

C++ Programmer, Unofficial Physicist, and Unofficial Chemist
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"coninues"
fff what.
Good job, but Draculea sounds too much like Dracula. >_>

--------------------

Mushroom Kingdom Emissary Links: Website Forums
Refs: Dr. Light(Main Color) Dr. Light 2 Risa Onda(Main Black & White) Yak(Avatar)
Let's Play Half-Life 2(42 Videos, at Entanglement)

QUOTE (Xgoff @ Sep 10 2009 @ 06:11 PM)

did you try hello's engine

make sure to not ****ing change anything before using it!

Pip

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 09:20 PM

you are now reading my posts in chris tucker's voice
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Joined: 13-November 06

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QUOTE (OniLink10 @ Mar 19 2009, 09:17 PM)

"coninues"
fff what.

That's not in the original document, odd.

QUOTE

Good job, but Draculea sounds too much like Dracula. >_>

HMMM I WONDER

--------------------

**** are p. cool

OniLink10

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 09:25 PM

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QUOTE (Pip Bernadotte @ Mar 19 2009, 07:20 PM)

That's not in the original document, odd.

HMMM I WONDER

Oh wait, it's a Vampire Story?

--------------------

Mushroom Kingdom Emissary Links: Website Forums
Refs: Dr. Light(Main Color) Dr. Light 2 Risa Onda(Main Black & White) Yak(Avatar)
Let's Play Half-Life 2(42 Videos, at Entanglement)

QUOTE (Xgoff @ Sep 10 2009 @ 06:11 PM)

did you try hello's engine

make sure to not ****ing change anything before using it!

Pip

Posted: Mar 19 2009, 09:30 PM

you are now reading my posts in chris tucker's voice
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Group: Members
Posts: 5151
Member No.: 2941
Joined: 13-November 06

Status: (0d) [--]

QUOTE (OniLink10 @ Mar 19 2009, 09:25 PM)

Oh wait, it's a Vampire Story?

His name's Vlad, and he is called "impaler"

and he's in Romania

DOHOHO

but, yeah

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**** are p. cool

Pip	Posted: Mar 20 2009, 12:12 AM
you are now reading my posts in chris tucker's voice Group: Members Posts: 5151 Member No.: 2941 Joined: 13-November 06 Status: (0d)	Bump -------------------- **** are p. cool

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