ITT Clean Jokes

How are a saxophone and a lawsuit similar?

Spoilers:

Everybody's happy when the case is closed!

Knock Knock (only respond to this if you can accept unfunny jokes)

What does a mod call a parody topic?

Spoilers:

Locked.

After watching Casino Royale, girls flocked to a chemistry class because they heard there was a single bond there.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

I was a banker but I lost interest.

Why, who is there?

From personal experience:


How do you rest a percussion section in a song?


Spoilers:

You shoot the percussionists.

How do you tune a section of flutes perfectly?


Spoilers:

One of them plays and the rest pretend to play.

Orange
(your really going to regret this)

oh come on

ORANGE WHO???

Orange. Thats it. Orange.
Your probably terribly sad now.
As am I
I need a life.
Everyone who agrees, raise your hand

(

How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
It flips its lid!

sdffgfdre

A piano was sitting outside of its home, after a long-winded, dragging-on concert that involved movements by several classical composers, modern composers, and Flight of the Bumblebee, followed shortly by an improvisational take on the song. The piano suddenly found that it could not get inside of its home. Why not?


Spoilers:

Because it lost its keys.

Was that funny AND clean enough for ya?

What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender said "Sorry sir, we don't serve spirits here"!

This post has been edited by Ndsfreak on Jun 29 2009, 12:34 AM

An atheist is getting chased by a bear in the woods. The atheist trips over a rock, the bear snarls and raises its claw and the atheist cries "OH GOD!" Time froze. The forest was silent. Even the bear's slobber was hanging in mid air. God appeared. "My son, you've denied my existence for all these years. You've credited creation to a cosmic accident and expect me to help you in your time of need?" The atheist says "Well, that would be hypocritical, so perhaps can you make the BEAR a Christian?" God says "Very well," disappears, and time resumes. The bear smiles and closes its paws. "God, thank you for this bountiful meal which I am about to receive!"

If a trumpet player misses his/her cue to insert a mute into his/her trumpet, what can be done to quickly mute the trumpet?


Spoilers:

Get the xylophone player to reach forward and knock out said trumpet player.

Knock Knock